One Card

Well, I fucked up. Father's Day came — the first without a lot of very important people. My issue was, I didn't plan for shit. They always say have a plan for the dates.

Well... you see, what had happened was... I don't know. I decided to do it the way I do most things: throwing caution to the wind and diving in head first. What? Old habits die hard, alright?!

The first little bit after I woke up was rough. It hadn't hit me yet what day it was, but I just woke up anxious.

Finally got my ass out of bed, got downstairs, and decided I wasn't going to let today be a bad day. Did some laundry, got some stuff done around the house, showered, and went to our Father's Day lunch. And I was surrounded by family — Mom, Dad, the kids, even my ex, a close friend of the family, and her mom. We had a great meal together. Today was almost perfect.

When I got home and we got settled, I opened the card my dad got me... and it killed me that he only had to buy one this year. There were several times throughout the day where I hated that my brothers weren't there with their families.

I know in spirit they are, but that only goes so far.

So now, I am choosing to focus on the positives from today — the good time we had, the memories we created. And listening to my daughter laughing and playing her game in her room, on the phone with her friend at 1:30 a.m. And you know what? I'm not going to say a damn thing. Just going to lay in bed and smile, remembering what it was like to be young, and grateful that she wanted to come spend the rest of the day with Dad.

Yeah, it was a rollercoaster of a day. What day isn't? But lately I've been choosing to live — venture out, start to experience life again. And it has been good since.